PIENOMICS

Willy " A bit glum today McBroon.."

McBroon " Aye am that Willy..."

Willy " Pie sales doon then.."

McBroon " Worse Willy...I'm over-stocked, over-indebted, the arse has fallen out of the coo futures market and the Americans have given up burgers.."

Willy" That's no your fault McBroon.....you've been stiffed by the yanks.."

McBroon " Aye Willy...reckless bastards those yanks......50 years of pie sales doon the drain.."

Willy " What's with these coo futures McBroon?"

McBroon " Been buying them for 11 years....I've mortgaged, remortgaged, sale and lease-backed the pie shop...up to my ears in debt...even worse...I've pawned the pie machine over at Darlings!"

Willy " Calm doon mcbRoon..I've got a wee plan....it's called a stimulus.."

McBroon " Like you get doon the Womens Institute Willy?"

Willy " Naw McBroon....a fiscal stimulus....we'll get all your customers, their kids, grandkids, great grandkids, the whole toon to sign a contract to buy your pies in perpetuity.....in exchange you'll give them a 14% discount and pay this money to Darling and the bank as interest for your new loan secured against the pie sales for generations to come.."

McBroon " Any risk wee man?"

Willy " Risk McBroon...don't be daft laddie..it's called deferred payment   you'll be long stiff before the shit hits the fan.."

McBroon " What aboot those bright young laddies doon the Osborne and Cameron Chipper?"

Willy " Bloody novices McBroon...........they've no alternative to the McBroon Pie Bailout.."

McBroon " I'm up for it wee man......fancy a bevvy!"