THE UNION DON STEPS BY

A sleek mini cab pulls up on the double yellows outside McBroons. A gruff voice tells the driver to leave the meter running............... "the traders are paying".

A dumpy, duck shaped man wearing a frock coat and carrying a shiny stick struggles out of the cab and waddles towards McBroons.

McBroon spies the looming disaster from behind the discount pies. "Oh shite ..."

McBroon: "Willy we're deep in the shite........."

Willy: " Nothing new there McB........"

McBroon: " Shut it....it's Big Mick fae the Union...........he'll be calling aboot the dues.."

Willy: " You mean the protection money........."

McBroon: " Aye,but we call it the 'dues'........... stay on message you cretin...."

The door bursts open. Big Mick enters.

Mick: " Where's McBroon ?

Willy: " Morning Mr Mick ...........lovely day.............hear Mrs Mick has been doing a bit of decorating..............wall-papering...."

Mick: " Shut your mouth and go fetch McBroon fae the back shop.."

Willy goes back shop. 

Willy: " McB....... big Mick seems right pissed off....."

McBroon: " Did you mention the wall-papering?

Willy: " Aye I did..."

Mcbroon: " Never mention the wall-papering, or the taxis....remember, he's the Don in these parts..."

Mick: " Get oot here McBroon..."

McBroon: " A very good morning to you Mick...."

Mick: " You've no been paying your dues McBroon......you know what that means.."

McBroon: " Times are tough Mick.........had problems with the roof............my stock got water damaged.........and the Woolies next door closed...and..."

Mick: " Cut the crap McBroon.....I'm the Don in this parish......understood.......when I'm watching telly in bed at midnight I don't want to hear you slagging off the Union.....I make the rules, you follow them....OK?.."

McBroon: " Aye Mick......look I'm a wee bit short right now but perhaps you'd accept a gift box of pies..."

Mick: " Pies!......f'ing idiot........me and the missus don't eat pies......nothing less than line caught sole for me doon the Chipper...."

McBroon: " But that bloke Dave and his side-kick wee George are toffee nosed bastards fae the south....."

Mick: " Aye.....but I'm the Don......and the Don gets what he wants.....I'll be back in a week for the dues....."

McBroon: " I'd like to apologize on behalf of Willy and........."

Mick: " Sorry!....ye widn'ae know the meaning of the word......a wee word of advice McBroon........fix that f'ing roof now the summers coming or we'll be closing you doon..."