A CAB TO NOWHERE

McBroon: 'Keep your bloody heid doon Toni......we can't be seen sharing a cab....the press will murder us...'

Cabbie: 'Makes a change from the Taliban then.......'

McBroon: 'Shut it Cabbie....'

Toni: 'Look McBroon it's going to be pretty difficult for me to interrupt my Rotary Club Lunches tour.....'

McBroon: 'For fuck sakes Toni....you've made millions since you left the Traders....the members are pretty pissed off with you........all those houses..........flash suits............not to mention dodgy acquaintances........'

Toni: 'Relax McB...... everyone knows I'm a pretty straight sort of guy.......let's face it you have been in charge for 13 years...'

McBroon:' What!!!!.....'

Toni: 'Oh come on McBroon.....I was just the front man........ the guy who smiled a lot........ ............rubbed shoulders with celebs...........everyone knows you were the power behind the Traders Association...........you were the guy who said that boom and bust was over.....'

McBroon:' But you said that Big Dave was stock-piling cod in his back yard.....'

Cabbie: ' Too true....... but that geezer Blix from 'elf and safety didn't find nuffing when he went to check out the Chipper....... no boom and bust down the Chipper McB... '

McBroon: 'Stick to driving son.....'

Toni: 'Look McB.....big Dave and little George down the chipper are onto something.....the Pie Shop can't dominate the High Street for another 13 years.......pies are old hat.....the punters want something new........you haven't changed your fillings for years......and after the water damage.......well.......'

McBroon: ' Don't you start on the leaky roof nonsense..........those bastards doon the chipper are feckless novices.....'

Toni: 'That's what they said about us in 1997....'

McBroon: ' But you and Pierre said it would only get better!'

Toni: 'It has McB..........has for me........five houses and 2o mil in the bank.........and look at Pierre ........off to Europe......house in Regents Park.......and now wears ermine... even old Prezza has got into the Tudor accessorizing biz...'

Cabbie: 'It's better for me too....nothing better than being a cab for hire.....lots of the folding stuff....'

McBroon: 'Bloody marvellous.....I take the can for everything.....and now I have to stand for election....'

Toni: ' You only got to be the president of the Traders because I honoured the deal we made at Big Jacquis donner shop.......'

McBroon: ' This is so unfair..........the Americans stop eating pies..........the Pie Shop gets a leaky roof...........and a posh pair of bastards start selling line caught sole doon the street...'

Cabbie: ' Kerching, kerching...'

Toni: ' and there was the little issue of you and the cleaning lady from the Traders.....remember McB......charging her cleans of the Pie Shop to the Traders Association...'

McBroon:' I was only following the rules....'

Cabbie: ' The rules have changed McB.......kerching, kerching...........any contacts for a sharp accountant Toni?..........the 50% levy McB and his sidekick Darling down the Pawn Shop want to charge the members is a bloody disgrace....'